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You're unique, just like everyone else....
Everybody has the right to be stupid but your breaking the rules!
When you judge others you dont define them you define yourself.. :-)
The more I learn, the more I forget. So why would I learn?
You're looking at perfection, and it ain't you!
If electricty comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
Never wish on 1 star more than once cause your luck ALWAYS runs out!
I know that you know that I know that you think I'm the best, that's why you never tell me.
We both know I'm the best, that's why you never tell me.
I've lost my phone number, can I have yours?

One day, we will look back on this, laugh nervously, and change the subject.
When I'm good, I'm really good, but when I'm bad I'm better.
I'm not smiling at you, I'm trying not to laugh!
I'm fat, but your ugly. I can diet.
English! Who needs that? I'm never going to England!
You may laugh because I'm different but I laugh because you're all the same.
I am on the seafood diet. I see food and I eat it!
I aint guilty, im just not innocent! ;-)
Can I get your picture? I collect nature disasters.
For all you who talk about me, thanks for making ME the center of YOUR world!

I'm cool, I'm hot....I'm everything you're not.
I would tell ya to go to hell but all dogs go to heaven.
I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants.
Do they have reserved parking for non-handicap people at the Special Olympics?
Booze is the answer. I don't remember the question.
Don't be open-minded, your brains might fall out.
Flying is simple. You just throw yourself at the ground and miss.
On the other hand, you have different fingers.
If my car was a horse, I would have to shoot it!
One day, I don't hate you, I just need someone to take my anger out on.
If you can't beat them, arrange to have them beaten.
Passwords are like underwear: change them often.
If you dont like my driving, then stay off the sidewalk.
She got her good looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.
Take my advice, I don't use it anyway.
May your life be like toilet paper - long and useful!
The funny thing about Common sense is that it's not very common.
The Rain Makes Everything Beautiful, Grass, Flowers, Trees etc..If rain makes all thing beautiful than y does it not fall on U ?
(8)roll roll roll ur joint, gently down the line, take a toke, inhale dat smoke, and blow ur friggin mind!
(Front Bumper) If you can read this, I didn't hit you hard enough.
Hard work pays off later, laziness pays off now!!=-
...and i should care, why?
24 hours in a day ... 24 beers in a case ... coincidence? I think not
My darling my love, my beautiful wife. Marrying you screwed up my life :S
>> I am nobody, no body is perfect, therefore i am perfect!
A man that has never lied to a woman has no respect for her feelings
A miserable person is one who truly enjoys a fart but can't
Act your age, not your shoe size!
After working here, I now realize that "Dilbert" is not a comic strip. It's a documentary
All racists who are prepared to die for their country, why not now?
An answer to that nagging question............... I let the dogs out!
An apple a day keeps the doctor away, but if hes cute screw the fruit.
An idiot is a 44th floor window washer who steps back to admire hius work
An unfortunate person is one tries to fart but shits instead
Anarchists of the world, unite!
As long as my boss pretends that I'm earning much, I'm pretending that I work hard
Ass, Grass, or Gas: everybody's gotta pay
Be a Minimalist. It's the least you can do
Be kool.. Dont go to school
Be selfish just once... If your upset, take someone elses life instead of your own!
Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder
Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife
Behind every successful woman, is a man who is surprised
Can I borrow your library card? I wanna check u out!
Can I get your picture? I collect nature disasters
Cancel my subscription...I'm over your issues
Coffee, Chocolate, Men - some things are just better rich
Dain Bramaged.
Damn right I'm good in bed i can sleep for hours!
Do blind eskimos have seeing-eye sled dogs?
Do they have reserved parking for non-handicap people at the Special Olympics?
Do you got with me get lost? I know the way
Don't be open-minded, your brains might fall out
Don't think of yourself as an ugly person. Think of yourself as a beautiful monkey!
Dont start with me..You will not win!
Dont steal, the government hates competition!
Dont worry who I am just Type
Drinking is the answer, I don't remember the question
Earth first. We'll screw up the other planets later
English! Who needs that? I'm never going to England!
Even though the voices in my head aren't real they have some good ideas!
Everybody has the right to be stupid but your breaking the rules!
Everyone likes a little ass, but no one likes a smart ass
Fat people are harder to kidnap
First law of science: don't spit into the wind
Flying is simple. You just throw yourself at the ground and miss
For all you who talk about me, thanks for making ME the center of YOUR world!
Girls are like phones, we like to be held and talked to but if you press the wrong buttons you'll be disconnected
Girls/Boys are great, every boy/girl should own one
God bless Atheism
God created man first because you always make a rough draft before a masterpiece!
Good Girls are Bad girls that don't get caught
Haggis is a self cleaning meal. Leave it for a while and it will get up and walk away
Hate: A special kind of love given to people who suck
Hi, I just noticed you lookin at me across the room..I'll give u a minute to catch ur breath
I aint guilty, im just not innocent! ;-)
I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants
I am on the seafood diet. I see food and I eat it!
I can't come tonight, my tires got dizzy...
I don't hate you, I just need someone to take my anger out on
I don't like to repeat things, so listen carefully the first six times
I drink to make other people interesting
I have a picture of u, I think its very nice, I put it under my bed... 2 scare away the mice!
I have great faith in fools; self-confidence my friends call it
I hope life isn't a joke, because I don't get it!
I'm not handicaped, I'm just LAZY!
I sat back looking at the stars and began to think.. where the HECK is my roof?!
I thought my attitude was bad, until I smelled your breath!
I'm telling you ociffer, I'm not drunk!
Dain Bramaged.
Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most.
I love cats... they taste just like chicken
Reality: An illusion due to lack of alcohol.
-=Hard work pays off later, laziness pays off now!!=-
Life is one long insane trip... Some people just have better Directions!
They say hard work never hurts anybody, but why take the chance!
[I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it!]
Dont steal, the government hates competition!
Yes.. It was I who let the dogs out!
Don't drink and drive, you could spill the drink in your car!
[2 + 2 = 5] for extremely large values of 2.
thats it

i hope every body like it